Friday, June 17, 2011

Part 25

Bo looked up at the beet clad woman and began to open his mouth.  Before he could even force a sound out, Tom had leapt onto the table in a frantic scurry, knocking over the bowl of beet dip that Anna had brought out with her.   He began to do what resembled a river dance, and spewed something from his mouth that sounded much like the strange ramblings of a southern Baptist minister who had been taken over by the spirit.  He finished his strange dance with a triple back tuck and the “pew, pew, wink” move.  Anna mimicked his “pew, pew, wink” and rushed into the kitchen. How he managed that triple back tuck without cracking his head on that flail completely perplexed Bo, but he had become accustomed to the strange while on this journey. Tom turned to Bo and said
“I just ordered us two cokes”
Bo gave him a puzzled look and pulled out the note.
“Tom..er….Kangaroo Jim, we need to find out what this note means.  It’s got to be related to why the other jar is missing!”  
Both men had come to the conclusion that it must be some sort of acronym, but an acronym for what, and how were they going to find out what it meant?  Seconds later, a mysterious man with bilateral torn rotator cuffs walked up to their table and said
“I think I can solve your mystery, boys.”
Bo’s eyes lit up like the first time he ever saw a hoagie.  Then his mouth started to salivate because he couldn’t stop thinking about that very first hoagie and how oh so special it was, and how much it changed his life and his waistline and how everything was surreal each and every time he took a bite.  The man was expanding upon each letter of the acronym, but Bo didn’t hear him, all he could hear was the rustle of the wax paper as you tore open a freshly made hoagie, dripping with vinegar end to end.  Bo finally snapped out of his greasy coma to hear this mysterious man finish by saying
“And that’s why we can’t have nice things!”
With that, the man was gone in a puff of beet dust. Bo turned to Tom, who at this point was admiring his own chest hair in a small, my little pony pocket mirror.
“You don’t think I need to wax this, right?  I mean, the ladies love a lit..”
“Forget about that! What did bilateral torn rotator cuff guy say about the note and what M I C K E Y meant!” Blurted Bo
“Note? He didn’t say anything about a note.  He just recited his shopping list, Milk, Icecream, Cheese, Kix, Eggs, and Yogurt, then started babbling about quantum physics”
“Hush poppet” Whispered Bo.
In that instant, it hit him…

15 comments:

Madeline Hammersmark said...

My IQ dropped a few points the moment I hit "post".

Unknown said...

I lol-ed thrice. It's perfect.

Madeline Hammersmark said...

I said "you just wait" didn't I? Do you know what I was referring to now?

Unknown said...

Yeah. I have short-term memories ever since I stopped the crank.

Madeline Hammersmark said...

So...when is the next part?

Unknown said...

I don't know. Whenever Darryl gets a round tuit? I'm surprised neither Darryl nor MWB has popped their head in to comment about this part. Especially since it's your maiden voyage.

Madeline Hammersmark said...

They hate me, and they're mad at you for bringing me in.

WOE! SORROW! DESPAIR!

Unknown said...

Darryl finished his motorbike, according to Facebook, so we'll be seeing none of him for the rest of the summer is my guess. It is pretty, though.

Unknown said...

I mean manly.

E. Studnicka said...

*swings in on rope and twirls black velvet cape with dramatic flourish*
Grammmah! I have arrived, fresh from the shooting of a promo video that has occupied my glorious being for as long as I have been absent from the internet.
Beautiful work, Hammersmark! Welcome to the family!
And Darryl... can we expect an equally fabulous entrance, perhaps on your motorbike, perhaps through a ring of fire? hmmmm?

Unknown said...

Grammmah?

I don't think Darryl loves us anymore.

Darryl said...

I love you all to death.

...to death. *caressing a large, pristinely polished axe*

Anyways, more importantly - you were in a video, or you filmed a video, mwb?

I'm going to do my best to perform an awe-inspiring entrance, but I'm losing faith in my ability to write well. ...Not that I ever thought I could in the first place, mind you.

Darryl said...

Oh, and Hammersmark - brilliantly written. It's always big shoes to fill after a mwb post (not solely because mwb has large feet, I mean it metaphorically as well) and you did so with all the grace that this story has been privy to thus far.

E. Studnicka said...

Shooting a video... *caresses the pristinely polished barrel of a shotgun*

And thank you for the feet remark. My shoes are enormous because I had to have my feet surgically removed when I was seven and replaced with massive, webbed talons.

Darryl said...

That... is so...

...BADASS! You must give the keenest back scratch.