Pt. 19

could not manage to bring his writhing limbs under his command and squirmed in his drooly mud puddle like a beached whale trying to breakdance.
"Come on, me lad!" cried Captain, kicking Bo in the gut with the fake wooden leg that he wore when he was feeling dangerous. "On your loafers buckaroo! Tennille is anxiously awaiting us in yonder taxi and we must be speedy in our return lest she begin wolfing the wickets- if you know what I mean, old boy." He winked at Tom Jones who nodded knowingly and then said, "I don't think he heard you, Captain."
Bo had begun to scream, "ZAPADOOOOO" and was attempting to remove his own clothes.
"Ah. Well then up we must go, fat boy" said Captain as he hoisted Bo into the air with one finger, rippling with muscles he had developed as a keyboardist.
The trio hiked to a yellow taxi stalling at the curb.
"Shotgun!" hollered Tom Jones.
"Where?!" yelped Captain, swiveling around in search of a potential sniper, only to see Tom Jones climbing into the passenger seat.
"Do that to me one more time, and I swear I'll..." threatened Captain as he thrust Bo's twitching body into the back seat.
"Besides, I'm afraid you'll find that that seat has already been taken," he added.
"What the- " exclaimed Tom Jones, leaping back in shock and horror at the snarling rodent that had nearly collided with his silver leather clad bum.
 "Perhaps you need to renew your acquaintanceship with Tennille," said Captain, sliding in next to a now unconscious Bo.
"I'll tell you, I've been with some hairy critters in my day," said Tom Jones, climbing in on the opposite side of Bo, "but I have found that at least forty percent of the time I can tell the difference between a lady and a marmot. The last time I saw Tennille, you wanted to flaunt her and we went to dinner, so I was pretty sure that she’s a lady."
As the taxi pulled away from the curb, Captain began to explain.
"Jonesy mate, that there is no marmot. That there is a one hundred percent pure bred Avogadro Muskrat. You see, they’ve always been a thing of mine, muskrats, ever since I was a wee lad. As you can imagine, it’s pretty unusual to harbor feelings for, well, a rodent-“
“Oh no, it’s not unusual at all,” cut in Tom Jones, reaching around Bo’s soggy spherical stomach to pat his friend’s knee reassuringly.
“As I was saying, I got myself a lassie- Tennille- in hopes that ringin’ ‘round a lady’s rosy might alter my un…conventional feelings for ferocious furry females. Alas, it was not to be. I was all but overcome with a need to surround myself with muskrats. From my muskrat hide bath mat, to my furry muskrat underdrawers, to my expansive collection of muskrat nature documentaries, I was attempting to fulfill my desire for the sensual creatures. Of course, it was only after I got this that Human-Tennille began to suspect my innocent interest had taken a turn for the unusual.”
Captain unbuttoned his navy blue shirt to reveal a tattoo of an enormous muskrat holding a tiny toga-clad Captain in its arms. The tattoo began just under his chin and ended somewhere below his waist.
“Why, that isn’t unusual!” said Tom Jones cheerily, and unbuttoned his shirt to reveal an equally massive tattoo of himself being cradled by a grinning opossum that appeared to have mange.
“I do so appreciate your empathy,” said Captain, buttoning his shirt and hoping that Tom Jones would do the same. “Either way, one morning I woke up and found the beautiful creature that you nearly sat on, resting herself upon the foot of my bed with a note round her neck, dictating that out of her love for me, Tennille had mentally willed her body to resemble that of an angelic Avogadro Muskrat. She expressed her wish that this transformation would bring us closer together romantically. She also noted that the reason all of her clothes and possessions had disappeared was because she did not want our new lifestyle to be burdened by the past.”
“That’s a beautiful story,” said Tom Jones, choking back tears, “Oh, tell it to me one more time! Oh baby, tell it to me once again!”
As Captain drew in a raspy breath in preparation to relate his tale (or tail) one more time, we will take a moment to catch up with the slumbering Bo.
In his state of deep psychological unrest, Bo had had a vision. A vision from his childhood that was as vivid as the day that it happened. It was a day