Bo would have frozen at this very moment, but that would be a misnomer. The corpulent sea of flesh he considered to be his body was, simply, so densely insulated that it would be more accurate to say he merely became somewhat more viscous. In any case, a deep fear gripped the young monk's fashion savvy, rhinestone-encrusted soul. His life struggled valiantly to flash before his eyes, but could only muster up a bizarre interpretive dance performed by a small group of anthropomorphic hoagies. This was a delightful, and altogether pleasing alternative to Bo. His stomach rumbled feebly. He wished for this maniac to leave him alone so he could get to work on the cheesy hoagie nestled away in his pocket.
"What's new, pussycat?" articulated the figure pressing the business end of a gun squarely at Bo's meaty, sweat-infused temple. The voice was certainly ominous, yet with a tangible hint of erotic soulfulness to it. "I hear you have something that I need. I recommend you hand it over, because that is a right snazzy outfit and it would be a shame to get bits of brain matter all over it."
Bo dwelled on this for a moment. He really did not want to give up his last delicious cheese hoagie to some creep packing heat. He thought further, and realized the mysterious gunman had an awfully familiar voice. His mind rushed, at roughly the pace his husky figure could afford in an all out-sprint.
"Tom Jones?" Bo finally leaked, "Whatever do you want with my cheesy hoagie?" The figure, immediately disheartened, released the pressure of the gun from the monk's temple, and baffled at this response for a second. "What, I...No, kid, not the damn hoagie. Wait, where are you keeping a hoagie? Nope, never mind, son. I'm here for the tooth." Bo nodded wisely. "Ahhh. I really got you now, that makes a lot more sense. Well, you`re not getting the tooth either. I wish you`d not point that gun at me, though, because now I won`t be able to sleep at night."
Tom let out a long, drawn out sigh. Evidently he was not the world`s biggest fan of puns. "Kid, we can do this the Tommy J way, or the hard way. The hard way, let me remind you, involves an emergency trip to the laundromat for that outfit." Not terribly satisfied with either of those options, Bo used his portly frame to cloak his arm from view of the seductively chauvinist singer`s, and slowly reached for his
17 comments:
Who ISN`T a fan of puns?
Get thee to a punnery, I say.
lol @ "the Tommy J way". Does Tom Jones actually say that, or have you lost your fucking mind?
Oh, I am right off the fuckin' deep end, I thought you knew that.
Indeed.
Y'all will have to forgive me today. I may not get my part written until tomorrow, the weather has put me under itself.
Nico! I feel obligated to ask if you require my assistance?
Like, Italian ice and a foot rub? Bring it.
I'm just tired, nothing drastic (I have chronic fatigue, very boring). I gave in and started drinking a second cup of coffee. I may rally yet.
I survived my first day of work. I am acutely fatigued. I think I will enjoy a cigarette and a beer, and that will be my rally juice.
As for the assistance you suggested, not really what I was thinking at all, but I'm in if I get some Italian ice to enjoy as well.
"Rally juice" sounds like a poorly named energy drink.
I've just thought of a fantastic business venture! Who's in?
It'll do better than cigarette juice.
Debatable. How's that second cup working out for you? Have you been given a second wind to help you deal with your "real life" today?
It kept me from crawling back into bed, so I'd call it a success. Although putting "real life" in quotes has me completely confused as to which life you're actually referring.
The quotes only serve to emphasize my contempt for real life. This internet life we have going, on the other hand, is a real peach. Our little blog clique. Good times.
I use a Sims game mod from a community where they call real life "meatspace". Seems like a term you might like.
As I have no life other than my blogs, does that make me nonexistent?
On an entirely different note, so as to divert my mind from a possible lack of reality, I would like to congratulate Darryl on the success of his Rally Juice. It seems Charlie Sheen has taken quite a fancy to it, as it is apparently made of tiger blood and cigarette juice.
Well, that's good news.
I'm having an internal battle over Katy Perry's new song, ET. On one hand, I like it. On the other hand, I'm terrified, because Kanye West came in on the tail end of it and threatened to disrobe me and probe me, and I just didn't see that coming when I played the full version of the video today.
I've gone into hiding.
I do like that term.
MWB, the point I was making is that this IS the life. i'm ever so glad you're part of it.
Thank you for recognizing the profit potential of my business plan, too.
Nico, the man can't be blamed.
Neither can you.
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